第8章 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open： 8.1 说我是他儿子 Saying I'm His Son; 8.2 死不瞑目 Die with Eyes Open; 8.3 刘团长的计划 Troupe Leader Liu’s plan; 8.4 大惊失色 I was Shocked; 8.5 室友帮我分析 Roommate Helps Me Analyze; 8.6 郑重的告别 Solemn Farewell; 8.7 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories; 8.8 闹鬼了 It’s Haunted; 8.9 给色狼戴上墨镜 To Put Sunglasses on the Pervert; 8.10 科学家的特质 Traits of a Scientist
8.1 说我是他儿子Said I was His Son.
一天，在东大的公园里我遇见了黄老师，我们谈到了刘健君。黄老师说，自从我和她分手后，她们家就一直因为我打架。刘健君有男朋友了，打架就暂停；刘健君没有男朋友了，她爸她妈就轮流和她打架。
One day, I met Teacher Huang in the park of Northeastern University, and we talked about Eve Liu. Teacher Huang said that since I broke up with her, their family has been fighting because of me. When Eve Liu has a boyfriend, the fight is suspended; when she doesn't have a boyfriend, her parents take turns fighting with her.
我感觉奇怪，问：“他们怎么还轮班跟女儿打架呢？”
黄老师说：“她只身一人在美国，她爸妈怕把宝贝女儿憋屈着。那她一个人在国外，父母都和她打架，她不就更无依无靠了。”
I felt strange and asked: "Why do they take turns fighting with their daughter?"
Teacher Huang said: "She is alone in the United States, and her parents are afraid of upsetting their precious daughter. If she is alone abroad, her parents will fight with her, and she will be even more helpless."
我说：“是这么回事儿！他们打架为什么总说我？”
黄老师说：“她爸妈都喜欢你。她爸说你是他儿子，我听他说过好几次了。”
I asked: “That's what happened! Why do they always talk about me when they fight?”
Teacher Huang said: "Her parents like you. Her father said that you are his son. I have heard him say that several times."
我感觉没道理，说：“我们就这点儿关系，怎么我成了他的儿子呢？”
黄老师回答：“这你不知道。她爸妈总和我通电话，有事儿没事儿的，我们就在电话里唠嗑。这半年来，大部分时间我们都在唠你。这么说吧，平均每周两次，我们唠你唠到后半夜两点钟。”
I felt it didn't make sense and asked: "We only have this little relationship; how come I became his son?"
Teacher Huang replied: "You don't know that her parents always talk to me on the phone. No matter what happens, we chat on the phone. In the past six months, we have spent most of the time chatting about you. Let's put it this way, this half year twice a week, we chat about you until two o’clock midnight.”
我感觉荒唐，就说：“我们没多少来往，你们哪来那么多的话题？”
黄老师说：“唉！老头子老太太就在家想，什么时候想起什么来了，就给我打电话。而且，每次我们通话，他们就问，卢岩忙什么呢? 你又遇见他没？像这我今天遇见你。那老头子就问，他在看见你之前在干什么，你们说过什么话，说话时是什么表情。说完话之后他又去干什么了，什么表情。”
I felt ridiculous, so I said: "We don't have much contact, how can you come up with so many topics?"
Teacher Huang said: "Oh! The old man and the old lady were just thinking at home. Whenever they remembered something, they called me. Moreover, every time we talked, they asked, what is Luyan busy with? Have you met him again? Like this, I met you today. The old man will ask, what was he doing before he saw you, what words you said, and what was his expression when he said it. What did he do after he said that, and what was his expression."
我感觉不可思议说：“这么细！那也不对呀！我们没见过面，他怎么想象我！也没有具体的目标形象啊！” 
黄老师说：“啊！你没见过他们；他们见过你。他们特意来这儿看过你；我安排的。我知道你的活动规律。我们等在一边看你。看见你的时候，那个开心呐！她爸指着你对我说， ‘你看！这就是我儿子！’ 这老两口笑得，都直不起腰来了！”
I felt incredible and said: "It's so detailed! That's not right! We have never met; how could he imagine me! There is no specific target image!"
Teacher Huang said: "Ah! You haven't seen them; they have seen you. They came here specially to see you; I arranged it. I know your activity pattern. We waited there to see you. When he saw you, so happy! Her dad pointed at you and said to me, 'Look! This is my son!' The old couple laughed so hard that they couldn't even straighten their backs!"
我问：“什么时候？”
黄老师说：“你可不知道呢！这老公姆俩看见你时才高兴呢！板不住地看，板不住地乐。老头子一边乐一边说：这就是我儿子（参见7.12《百变神通》）。”
I asked: "When?"
Teacher Huang said: "You don't know! These old couple were so happy when they saw you! They couldn't stop looking at you, and they couldn't stop laughing. The old man said, "That's my son (cf. section 7.12 “Hundred Godly Transformations”)."
我说：“哎呀！这老头儿盼女婿盼出病来了。”
黄老师说：“这我还不明白吗！不过老头子没病，就是喜欢你。当时我就看出来了，老头子真是从心底里高兴。你说刘健君参加托福GRE考试，得了全额奖学金去美国读博士，这是高兴事儿不？”
I said: "Oops! This old man is sick from looking forward to his son-in-law."
Teacher Huang said: "Certainly I understood! But the old man is not sick, he just likes you! I could tell at the time that the old man was happy from the bottom of his heart. What say you? Eve Liu took TOEFL and GRE exams, got full scholarship to the United States to study for her PHD, is this laughable affair or not?"
 
我回答：“那对谁家都是祖坟冒青烟（如图8.1-2；参见2.7《裸体婚礼》）的大好事儿！不只是钱的问题，这事儿本身就是人生的荣誉呀！”
黄老师说：“正是！我跟着她爸二十几年了，像是对我亲爸爸似的，我就看出来了：老头子对刘健君那事儿，也高兴，但不是从心底里往外高兴。”
I replied: "That's ‘turquoise smoke rises from ancestral grave (see fig. 8.1; cf. section 2.7 Nude Wedding)’ to everyone! It's not just a matter of money, it's an honor in life!"
Teacher Huang said: "Exactly! I have been with her father for more than 20 years, as if he were my biological father. I can tell: the old man is also happy about Eve Liu’s achievement, but he is not happy from the bottom of his heart.”
我问：“怎么会呢！那是什么原因？”
黄老师说：“我也琢磨来着，没琢磨明白！自从刘健君二十多岁开始找对象谈恋爱了，老头子就这样了，总像是有心事儿似的。人家不跟我说，我也没法儿问。”
I asked: "How! Then what's the reason?"
Teacher Huang said: "I also pondered over it, but I didn't get it! Since Eve Liu twenty more years old began to look for boyfriend to fall in love, the old man has been like this, always as if there is something on his mind. He does not tell me; I can not ask."
我问：“是因为刘健君处对象一直不顺利？”
黄老师低着头想了想说：“应该是，但我说不准。” 他沉默了一会儿又说：“那时，老公姆俩看着你笑，我也跟着笑哇，但是我心里可难受了。”
I asked: "Is it because Eve Liu has been unsuccessful in finding a boyfriend?"
Teacher Huang lowered his head and thought for a moment: "It should be, but I can't say." He was silent for a while and said, "At that time, the old couple looked at you and was laughing, I also followed the laugh, but my heart was difficult."
我问：“怎么的呢？”
黄老师说：“那就是我！这几年一直给刘健君介绍对象来的，就是不成。而且，老头子为啥喜欢你？”
I asked: “How is that?”
Teacher Huang replied: "That's me! These years have been introduced boyfriends to Eve Liu; besides, why does the old man like you?"
我问：“为啥？”
黄老师说：“老头子知到关于你的事，还不都是听我说的。” 
事后，我曾多次回想这次谈话，每次都很伤感：都说，可怜天下父母心，这我是真的见到了；刘健君有个好爸爸！
I asked: "Why?"
Teacher Huang said: "Whatever the old man knows about you, he heard them from me! It is me who likes you!”
Afterwards, I thought about this conversation many times, and every time I was very sad: They say that parents in the world are pitiful, and I have really seen it; Eve Liu has a good father!
2 婚姻撮合 Marriage Matchmaking
一天，在宿舍寝室门口的走廊里遇见了黄老师几个人。他得知我还没有对象，说:“在美国，刘健君的课程安排有两周空闲时间，她要回国探亲，还没有对象。你愿意和她谈谈不？”
我问：“她读博士得需要多长时间？”
One day, I met Teacher Huang and several others in the corridor at the door of the dormitory. He learned that I didn't have a girlfriend yet and said: "In the United States, Eve Liu has two weeks of free time in her course schedule. She is going back to China to visit relatives and she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. Are you willing to talk to her?"
I asked: "How long does it take for her to study for a PhD?"
黄老师回答：“不清楚，一般需要两或三年。”
我想，和她谈恋爱，她在美国干什么我不知道，但在东北大学，黄老师几个人帮她看着我两三年；婚姻不成，我就被耽误了，这我可吃大亏了。我说：“就两周，谈个半生不熟的就天各一方，那我和她谈恋爱，至少得需要两三年，而且成功的可能性不大。人家在美国见多识广，看我这个土狍子能看惯么！我看不合适。”
Teacher Huang replied: "I am not sure; it usually takes two or three years."
I thought, if I fall in love with her, I don’t know what she is doing in the United States, but at Northeastern University, Teacher Huang and others helped her watch me for two or three years; if the marriage failed, I was delayed, and I suffered a big loss. I said: "It's only two weeks, and if we have a half-baked relationship, we are far apart. Then it will take at least two or three years for me and her to fall in love, and the possibility of success is low. People in the United States are well-informed. Look at me, a local." Can she get used to seeing roe deer? I don’t think it’s suitable.”
黄老师说：“找个好对象是需要很大付出的。”
我说：“听人说，一般的从恋爱到结婚就需要五六个月。我都已经二十六七岁了，很一般，就想那样，没有太高的期望。”
Teacher Huang said: "Finding a good partner requires a lot of effort."
I said: "I heard that it usually takes five or six months from falling in love to getting married. I'm already 27 years old, so I'm very average. I just want to be like that, without high expectations."
黄老师和帮手老师互相说了些什么，然后对我说：“若不然，你和她以同学聚会的名义见见面，那也是个找对象的机会。”
我想起我和刘健君第一次见面时的情景，觉得浑身不自在；再想和刘健君的同学在一起，那我的尴尬肯定少不了，就说：“不想，我们没必要见面。”
Teacher Huang and the assistant teacher said something to each other, and then said to me: "If not, if you meet her in the name of a class reunion, it will also be an opportunity to find a girlfriend."
I remembered the first time Eve Liu and I met, and I felt uncomfortable all over. If met with Eve Liu and her classmates again, I would be embarrassed, so I said, "No, we don't need to meet."
黄老师说：“合适的对象可不好找，你再想想。”
我说：“我想不出有什么用。我可是个大龄青年；谈恋爱是以结婚为目的的。” 
Teacher Huang said: "It's hard to find a suitable partner. Think again."
I said: "I can't think of any use. I'm an older young man; the purpose of falling in love is to get married."
3 黄老师的哀伤 Teacher Huang's Mourning
一天，我和黄老师在楼前闲聊，谈起了刘健君；他对我抱怨她，好像我是她丈夫似的。他还说，他以前是从乡下来的一个义务兵，刘团长对他一手培养提拔到今天，从没求过他任何别的事，就只求他为刘健君介绍对像这一件事（注3）。他手足无措地说，只有我能帮他。
One day, Teacher Huang and I were chatting in front of the building and talked about Eve Liu; he complained to me about her as if I were her husband. He also said that he used to be a conscript from the countryside, and that Troupe Leader Liu had nurtured and promoted him to the present day and had never asked him for anything other than to introduce Eve Liu boyfriend (annotation 3). He was at a loss for words, saying that I was the only one who could help him.
我对他的言语感觉不可思议，说：“你怎么能求我这个？我为了帮个人而娶她，这是什么事！”
他无可奈何地说：“我知道，我很清楚我不该跟你这么说；我是真没办法了！”
I felt incredulous at his words and said: "How can you beg me for this? I'm marrying her to help a person, that's what's going on!"
He said hopelessly: "I know, I know very well that I ought not to have said that to you; I am really at my wit's end!"
注8.1-3，那时，黄老师自己已经知道了：他、我、和刘健君，我们三个人都会被刘团长用死不瞑目诅咒（参见下一节8.2《死不瞑目》）。我估计他大约是在2004年，50岁左右过世的。现在，我回忆起这事就感觉茫然，无所适从。
Annotation 8.1-3. At that time, Teacher Huang himself already knew: He, me, and Eve Liu, all three of us would be cursed by Troupe Leader Liu with the curse of “Die with Eyes Open” (cf. the next section 8.2). I estimate that he passed away around 2004, around the age of 50. Now, when I recall this incident, I feel confused and at a loss what to do.
↪️返回卢岩回忆录的目录↪️ Return to Catalog of Luyan’s Memoirs
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