紧随着那个不眠之夜，我遗失了一段时间的记忆。不过我并没有因为环境的变化感觉诧异，说明我那段时间还在现实生活中。或者可能是我的性格转换了，我是个多重性格的人，前面发生的事被淡化了。有记忆时，我忽然看到阳光照射在寝室的窗台上，感觉温暖。我走过去，伸手到阳光里，感觉到了阳光的温度。春天来了，我向窗外望。
Immediately after that sleepless night, I lost my memory for a period. However, I was not surprised by the change of environment, which means that I was still in real life during that period. Or maybe my personality changed. I am a person with multiple personalities, and the affairs that happened before were diluted. When regained my memory, I suddenly saw the sun shining on the windowsill of the dormitory, and it felt warm. I walked over, stretched my hand into the sun, felt the temperature of the sun. Spring is coming, I look out the window.
室友回来了，欢喜地说：“我听说你这床位的那个人要回来了，你会搬到一楼。将来，九月，你会随着新生入学，住到三舍去。”
表姐王刚告诉过我，“就住在八舍，赶快写论文毕业，别在学校浪费时间了，工作才是人生的主题。” 我回答：“我不知道，谁说的？”
My roommate came back and said happily, "I heard that the person who occupies your bed is coming back, and you will move to the first floor. In the future, in September, you will move to the third dormitory with the new students." 
My cousin Wang Gang told me, "Just live in the eighth dormitory, write your thesis and graduate quickly, don't waste time in school, work is the theme of life." I replied, "I don't know, who said that?"
室友说：“这不是明摆着的事么！在黄老师那屋，我们讨论你半天了；终于有了结论。你说什么是好人？”
我想了又想，答不上来（注8.6-1）。
My roommate said, “Isn't it obvious! In Teacher Huang's room, we've been discussing you for half a day; we've finally concluded. What do you call a good man?”
I thought and thought but couldn't answer (Note 8.6-1).
注8.6-1，什么是好人？2006年我在Davroc 测试实验室有限公司工作。老板桫椤（Sal Fasullo，参见9.5 《桫椤给我改性格 https://web.6parkbbs.com/index.php?app=forum&act=view&tid=4337180》 ）对人说，“我研究卢岩两年了，发现他是 ‘好人’。这种人才少见呢，全世界也许能有60个，我不知道。我公司里能有一个，我感到荣幸。”
Note 8.6-1, “What is a Goodman?” In 2006, I was working at Davroc Test Labs Ltd. My boss, Sal Fasullo, (cf. v. 9.5 Sal Changes my Personality), said to us, “I've been studying Adam Luyan for two years, and I've found he is a Goodman. This kind of person is rare, there may be 60 of them in the whole world, I don't know. I'm honored to have one in my company.”
他感叹地说：“这世界上好人可不多，也许能有五个。我感到荣幸，能和好人住一个屋住了一年多，就是你！”
我想了想，自己什么坏事都想干，就是没胆量干，回答：“我没感觉到自己是好人；我认为自己和其他人一样。什么是你说的好人？”
He exclaimed, “There aren't many Goodman in this world, maybe five. I feel honored to have lived in a house with a Goodman for over a year, and it's you!”
I thought about all the bad things I wanted to do, but just didn't have the guts to do them, and replied, “I don't feel like a good man; I think I'm just like everyone else. What is it you call a good man?”
 
他没回答我的问题，却说：“我这种人，要是不亲自告诉你，你一辈子也不会知道我能干什么！看在你曾经是好人的份上，我给你一块免死金牌（义为死刑赦免令，如图8.6），一辈子有效！但愿你用不上喔！”
He didn't answer my question, but said, “A man like me, if I don't tell you myself, you'll never know what I can do for the rest of your life! Since you were once a Goodman, I give you a Death-Free Golden Amulet (i.e., a pardon for the death penalty, see figs. 8.6), valid for the rest of your life! I hope you won't use it!”
我讶异地问：“你给我一块免死金牌？”
他说：“人都随着环境的改变而改变，很难说五年十年后，你会成为什么样的人。你自己琢磨着，快被判死刑了，就打电话找我。当你的电话打进了国务院，无论我接不接电话，你应该知道，你的命保住了。这么跟你说，我的大学和研究生同学都是干我们这一行的。即便我将来不在国务院了，这事我也能办成。”
I asked in surprise: "You're giving me a Death-Free Amulet?" 
He said: "People change as the environment changes. It's hard to say what kind of person you will become in five or ten years. Think about it yourself. If you are about to be sentenced to death, call me. When your call reaches the State Council, whether I answer the call or not, you should know that your life is saved. Let me tell you, my college and graduate school classmates are all in our industry. Even if I am not in the State Council in the future, I can still do this."
我怀疑地问：“你会这么帮我？”
他说：“我们这行的人朋友少，因为怕被人求。我父母亲戚都是农民，都没什么事。你的电话打进了我们的公司，接电话的人马上就查你是什么人，和我是什么关系？事后，领导还会问我，卢岩那个事儿你是怎么办的？你给谁打电话了？怎么说的？国务院可不允许随随便便向外打电话，都有记录。如果我不帮忙，同事们会怎么看我？研究生时的室友，他都不帮，是不是太没人味儿了！”
I asked doubtfully, "Will you help me like this?" 
He said: "People in our industry have few friends because we are afraid of being asked for help. My parents and relatives are all farmers and have no incident. When your phone call came into our company, the person who answered the phone immediately checked who you were and what your relationship was with me. Afterwards, the leader would also ask me, what did you do about Luyan? Who did you call? What did you say? The State Council does not allow casual calls to be made, and all records are kept. If I don't help, how will my colleagues look at me? He didn't even help his roommate when he was a graduate student. Isn't he too inhumane!"
我相信了。他说：“将来，不论什么时候，你要找我，就到东大校友录里去找我的联系方式。”
室友还说，若我犯了死罪，他会用自己的判断来判决我，给我一次重新做人的机会，只要别忘了给他打电话就行。他还说，只要我不做亏心事，这辈子就没事（注8.6-2）。
I believed him. He said, "In the future, whenever you want to find me, just look for my contact information in the Northeastern University alumni directory."
My roommate also said that if I committed a capital crime, he would use his own judgment to sentence me and give me a chance to start a new life, if I didn't forget to call him. He also said that if I didn't do anything guilty, I would be fine in this life (Note 8.6-2).
注8.6-2，由此说法可以看出，他清楚地知道这件事的后果。随后，现实生活中，我常作亏心事，就在2010年堕入了地狱（即患上了精神病）。刘团长留给我的活路是做个 “好人”，100%不做任何亏心事。
Note 8.6-2, from this statement, we can see that he clearly knew the consequences of this affair. Later, in real life, I often do affairs that are against my conscience, and in 2010 I fell into hell (i.e. suffered from mental illness). The way out that Troupe Leader Liu left for me is to be a GOODMAN, 100% not do anything that is against my conscience.
黄老师也高兴地过来了，看见我有些尴尬。他是个老实人，什么事都写在脸上。他说如果将来我要找他，就找他们那个期刊的编委，他一辈子都会在那个编委里。
我迷惑地叨咕：“怎么你们都像是跟我告别似的呢！我只是换个屋住。即便是三舍，那楼也就在旁边！”
Teacher Huang also came over happily and was a little embarrassed to see me. He is an honest man; everything is written on his face. He said that if I wanted to look for him in the future, I should look for the editorial board of their journal, and that he would be on that board for the rest of his life.
I chattered in confusion, “Why do you all look like you're saying goodbye to me! I'm just changing a room. Even if it's third Third Dormitory, that building is right next to here!”
随后，王刚表姐来了，帮我搬家到了一楼，我刚来这楼时，住过的那个朝北的房间。我奇怪地问表姐：“出什么事了吗？你告诉我房间号不就行了！”
王刚回答：“没事儿，我就是闲着没事，来看看你的房间。下次我要找你，不就已经知道你在这儿了。”
Later, my cousin Wang Gang came and helped me move to the first floor, the north-facing room I had lived in when I first came to this building. I asked my cousin curiously, "What happened? Can't you just tell me the room number?" 
Wang Gang replied, "Nothing, I just had nothing to do and came to see your room. Next time I want to look for you, I'll already know you're here."
（2）
大约一个月后的一天，我在一楼的走廊里遇见了黄老师，他表情严肃，若有所查，眼睛放着凶恶的光。我笑着向他打招呼。他没笑，也没像往常一样，站正了才说话，说：“没事，就是过来看看。” 我回屋后，感觉奇怪，“是他觉着对不起我才对，怎么反过来了，他那么恨我，像是我做错事了！”
About a month later, I met Teacher Huang in the corridor on the first floor. He had a serious expression, as if he was investigating something, and his eyes were gleaming with ferocity. I smiled and greeted him. He didn't smile, nor did he stand straight before speaking as usual. He said, "Nothing, I just came to see you." After I went back to my room, I felt strange, "He should feel sorry for me, how could it be the other way around? He hates me so much, as if I did something wrong!"
注8.6-3，现在想来，那时黄老师眼神的凶光是心理疾病的症状。刘团长为此事病重了；黄老师像对父亲一样爱戴他，所以也病了，恨我。那我呢？也病得不轻，下一节就出现了多种精神病爆发的迹象。
Note 8.6-3, now I think about it, the fierce look in Teacher Huang's eyes was a symptom of mental illness. Troupe Leader Liu became seriously ill because of this incident; Teacher Huang loved him like a father, so he also became ill and hated me. What about me? I was also seriously ill; in the next section, there were signs of multiple mental illness outbreaks.
↪️返回第8章《死不瞑目》的目录Return to Catalog of Chapter 8 Die with Eyes Open-https://web.6parkbbs.com/index.php?app=forum&act=view&tid=4334708
坛主:Adam_Luyan于2024_10_09 8:27:03编辑